Wednesday, February 28, 2007

window mirror

What we see,
what we project
how we frame our lives
and the way others see us.

All these are affected by our mental health.
SO be as healthy as you can
and bear with my small weirdness.
Better to live in a family of helpers
than swim with creatures that want
to drag you down.
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Friday, February 23, 2007

So Far So Good

I've been on ADHD meds now for about 4 months, and the changes I have noticed have been incredible.
I was reminded of this on Monday. I schedule a meeting with the head of our department because I wanted to have a talk with her about my career goals, where I want to go and how I want to get there. I'm not a very career oriented person, but I do have some goals.

She said something to me that really took my by surprise: "Matt, people appreciate how well you listen to them. Because you listen so well and gather all the feedback from people before cutting them off, people respect what you have to say when you do talk."

I was floored.

Me? A good listener? Could it be?

Indeed as I look back over the past few months, the changes have been noteworthy. My work review, just 2 weeks ago, was one of the best reviews I have ever had. I've been able to focus and get real work done. I've been able to listen to people and have people listen to me. I can maintain eye contact and focus for longer than 5 seconds... Heck, I can maintain focus for longer than an hour. That kind of focus is something I have never experienced before. Ever.

I remain cautious. I don't want to spend all of my days on ADHD medication. I don't take it when I don't need it (as you can tell from the previous post I wrote about my bad church experience).

I guess I've changed. I've moved from being someone who viewed such drugs as a crutch and such a diagnosis as outrageous, to being someone who has been affected in an extremely positive way because of a diagnosis and treatment.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

different - but not worse off

just a quick note:
many things about ADD ADHD cause sadness and misunderstanding
but there are humorous and beautiful effects as well.
As I think Matt has noted earlier, we do not wish ourselves to be "normal"
but do wish to function better in order to serve our families, our communities and God.

So you take it all, the good and that bad, the sad and the funny
and you live a life that pleases some and disappoints others.
The help we have found, we are forever grateful for,
the road ahead is full of hope and promise
because we at least now know what is going on
inside of these "Great Minds"


Monday, February 12, 2007


Why do Christians want to treat mental illness, mild or severe, as somehow less of an issue that physical illness? I ask this question as someone who has, in the past, equated mental issues with a lack of faith. It's not a very good thing to do.

I found this post on Emerging Women today. It's about chronic physical illness, but the commentary in this post is relevant to mental issues as well.

Here's a snippet:
When I was a kid my mom struggled with the spiritual ramifications of her using her asthma medication; for a time she believed that doing so would prove her lack of faith in God, that if she managed to acquire enough faith she would be healed. It never happened and she's Publishsince moved on from that belief. Years later, someone who shared similar beliefs told me that I'd be cured of a fairly serious (though not life-threatening) allergy I have if I had enough faith. I didn't believe him, but that conversation has aroused some questions that I still grapple with in my mind.
[Emerging Women: Theology of Chronic Illness]

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Medicated Life

I have ADHD.

As an adult, and someone who spend many years thinking the very idea of ADHD was silly, this was a difficult pill to swallow (literally).

Naturally, even after coming to terms with the fact, it's difficult to grasp the idea that I will be popping pills every day for a long time to come. It's not something that I tend to want to do.

I read about alternatives often, and fish oil/omega-3 supplementation does seem to have some benefits. Along with the alternatives I have decided (and the psychiatrist agrees with this idea) that I'll only take ADHD medication when it is needed. This generally means only during the work week.

For ADHD medication this is okay. What about others? How do you deal with this issue?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

i forget, i forgot

two common phrases for me.

yesterday I forgot my medications - twice.
not so good, and I was feeling it later in the day
I looked at the pill organizer this morning
and there were all of yesterdays vitamins
and two doses of Wellbutrin SR

its not good to let down my guard
especially when others are counting on me.

Matt, how do you remember to take yours,
or do you have a personal assistant?