what cabin fever will do to me

.
my new meds ( Strattera 60 mg) cost
$153 per month
SO i can not afford a shirt.

hehe
- Just a little crazier than usual -
hope it is not too much skin for you.

Adult ADHD and Church

Adult ADHD isn't like child ADHD. I'm not running around like a brat and throwing fits. I'm not jumping out of my chair. I'm not shouting at people.

But I am distracted.

I'm a member of the worship team at my church. As such, I am considered a "leader" there. I don't really view myself as a leader, but so it goes... Today I just learned that several people have complained to the worship team director about me, asking for him to "have a talk" about it. They complained not because of anything I did while playing on the team, but because of the way I appear when not no the team.

It was noted that I don't appear engaged. I look around and appear "bored." And indeed, I am certain that I really do appear this way. I am bored. After a while of service, I'm not engaged. I'm distracted... My mind is 1,000 miles away. You see, I choose not to take ADHD medication on the weekends. I don't think it's necessary, and I don't want to be on it every single day. As a result, I'm back to my old ways. I might as well be in my high school algebra class.

I guess this is displayed physically when I am at church.

Now, I have no idea why these people, Christians, didn't approach me in a Christian way, letting me know that I was distracting. This is how the Bible tells us to handle a conflict with a brother. I don't know why a gossip approach was chosen. I don't know why they complained about me and not to me. I certainly wish they would have let me know personally. I would have told these people why I appear to be so bored. Maybe they would have understood, maybe not. At least such an approach would have allowed me to explain the situation. And maybe I wouldn't have to be upset. I could just say, "Okay, I don't want to distract people. I'll sit in the back from now on."

But this didn't happen.

And so now I sit frustrated and upset and hurt. I wonder why people in my church family would act in such a way. I wonder if I can even go back to this church. As of now I feel like an outsider. I'm not welcome because of the way I appear.

Man, that hurts. Bad.

reposted from last year

sometimes

sanity is helped along by extreme beauty

singing and winging

Adult ADHD: It Can be Fun Too...

The other day I was talking about a wedding I was asked to be in. I was going to be playing guitar in a praise band in the wedding that evening.

And I did. And it was great fun. (And an incredible honor to be asked.)

People know me for being one to take on new hobbies relatively often. This summer I'll be photographing my sister's wedding. You see, I'm known as a number of things:

-Photographer
-Guitarist
-Computer Programmer
-Small Group Leader
-Avid Runner
-Reader

Just the other day a coworker said to me, "Matt, you are so talented... You can do so many thing!"

It was an interesting observation, and I must admit, it made me feel good. But my response touched on the reality of it: "Yeah, I do a lot of stuff, but I don't do any one thing really, really well."

Each of the things I mentioned above are current or past hobbies. I'm quick to take on a new hobby, the the follow through is a bit more of a challenge. I have an interest in photography, and I've gotten *okay* at it, but I'm not great. I don't have the attention span to work on the details.

Same with guitar. I'm good enough to play at church and weddings... But I'm not really a great guitarist. In fact, I'm pretty much mediocre. Taking the skill of guitar playing to the next level requires deep attention and a devotion to practice.

Same with my career.

One day I decided I wanted to get into Yo-Yos. Seriously. I bought a bunch of Yo-Yos and learned to do some tricks and stuff. I spent money on getting fancy trick Yo-Yos. And then, after a while, I got bored with it.

One day I decided that I was going to take on the challenge of writing a book. About 5 chapters in I got bored... Like with this post. :-)

feeling just ducky

Mangosteen fruit

i am trying something new, a biological weapon of sorts
Xango, and would be happy to have you try it also
if you click here it goes to a page where you can order through me.

I hope it brings more health and happiness to your life.