i am off my medication

it was crucial to have it during the winter
I will try skipping the wellbutrin for a week
if I can get enough other "energy stuff" in my system
I may be alright - to go without through the summer.
Lots of good work ahead.
and tomorrow is Sunrise service at 6:30 am. so i better get some rest.
God bless you all.

---------------
Update Saturday - the 21st
Two weeks later
I CAN feel the difference, in terms of energy and focus,
but I am determined to push a bit further into the great unmedicated zone
in order to know the limits of my own being au naturel.

and wow - I also have a new career path.

today is our Big Bear MS walk, see my other blog or click here to donate.

B a L week!

Sorry Matt, I just have to go silly for a moment.

By Declaration: It is befriend a looney week

EVERYONE needs someone in their life that is crazy
we all seem to find at least one.
(Schizophrenics may need two or more)

So we are instituting at Sugarloaf mountain and here at"Great minds!"
the new policy of befriending a crazy person, and telling you,
our faithful and few readers, that it is OK, nay even GOOD to find and bind to a person of questionable sanity. Yes, loonies ( as they like to be known) need us and we need them.

A few disclaimers: the person you are married to does not count.
Your teenagers do not count, as they MIGHT grow out of it, and someday be sane, leaving you looneyless. ( can't have that now, can we?)

So dig around in the dusty corners of your societal room, and find a discarded loonie, and take them under your care. but do be careful, some do not know that they need befriending and may bite at first, till they get that you are a kind and caring soul, with their best interest at heart.

Why do I ask you to do this? what is the import of having a special loon in your life?
It's very simple. Having someone who is clearly bannanas near and dear to us makes us feel more sane.
We all need that, to feel alright, to see ourselves as fitting in, doing ok, and performing somewhere near the norm. The best way to do that is to get your very own specimen of disfunctionality and bring them close, it will make "your world" feel like a more balanced place.

IF you have trouble finding your first loon, the author may be available for a brief period of time, until you get the knack for spotting and picking your own suitable loonie.
NO sacrifice is too great when it comes to assurng your mental health.
We give and give until we have little craziness left, then we go talk to our teens and recharge, Such is our dedication to the cause!

Now, GO, find a crazy person, and see how much more sane you will feel!

A Great Review

Did I mention that my annual review at work was one of the best I've ever had? I'm not sure that I can credit ADHD medication with all of it, as I have been more diligent with my work by intentional effort, but it certainly has at least something to do with it.

ADHD medication doesn't make a person work harder or smarter or better or faster. It simply allows me to focus in on the task at hand. Often that task is troubleshooting an issue. This is hard to explain, but I'm able to do so without being distracted or having racing thoughts while attempting to do so.

I'm in a position which involves numerous interruptions. To someone with ADHD, these interruptions can kill productivity. Nowadays, after an interruption, I find that I am able to turn back to what I was working on and focus. In the past an interruption, however small, could easily ruin my productivity the the rest of the day.

And here's another interesting thing: I find that I am able to turn off various obsessions. When I lay down at night, I don't find my mind racing and thinking about work or bills or how I need to get the car in for an oil change. I'm able to just relax. It's interesting that a stimulant (Concerta is a stimulant) can allow one to actually relax. My Psychiatrist explained it all to me, and he wasn't surprised one bit when I told him that I had been sleeping better at night.

So what's the catch? Well, I suppose there are a few. Concerta, even with insurance coverage, isn't cheap. I have excellent insurance and I still pay $30 a month for my prescription. Also, it is a stimulant. I sometimes wonder how often or for how long I want to take a stimulant. Daily? For how many years?

I've settled into taking Concerta on days that I am at work. The benefits of Concerta (with regard to adult ADHD) certainly go beyond the workplace, but I still struggle with the idea of popping this pill each and every day of my life.

Here's a funny sidenote: I never really think twice about drinking caffeine every day. Talking to my Psychiatrist about the massive amounts of caffeine I used to drink (I've cut back dramatically), he talked to me about how sometimes people with ADHD, especially those who don't know they have it, self-medicate with caffeine. I have a feeling this is what I was doing.

The single most important thing that I've been able to do as a result of being diagnosed and given the proper treatment is listen. I can actually sit and hold a conversation with someone, appreciating what that person has to say. This is much better than how I used to "hold a conversation", looking around the room and not really paying all that much attention.

Church

A while back I wrote about how a couple of people complained about my distracted behavior at church. That was over 4 weeks ago. This past Sunday I returned to my church for the first time since that happened. I still feel strange about the whole thing. I sat in the very back, behind the soudnboard, where nobody would see me. It still bothers me, for a number of reasons.

Why are people watching me during service? Am I really a distraction? Can I do something about it? Is this a problem of mine or a problem with those who complained?

pill popping

Unlike Matt I do take my meds 7 days a week.
I also take a B vitamin, a multiple, Fish oil, ginseng and other supplements.
This is the only way I can be sure to take two doses per day. Even then I forget some days.
i am kind of down today, too much confusion and multiple demands on myself in different cities.
I hate driving the freeways, because of the idiots all around me.
On the plus side I have met some really nice people, attended a new church, and contacted several new clients locally.
Now I just need to focus on the stuff that comes AFTER the dentist tomorrow morning.

window mirror

What we see,
what we project
how we frame our lives
and the way others see us.

All these are affected by our mental health.
SO be as healthy as you can
and bear with my small weirdness.
Better to live in a family of helpers
than swim with creatures that want
to drag you down.

So Far So Good

I've been on ADHD meds now for about 4 months, and the changes I have noticed have been incredible.
I was reminded of this on Monday. I schedule a meeting with the head of our department because I wanted to have a talk with her about my career goals, where I want to go and how I want to get there. I'm not a very career oriented person, but I do have some goals.

She said something to me that really took my by surprise: "Matt, people appreciate how well you listen to them. Because you listen so well and gather all the feedback from people before cutting them off, people respect what you have to say when you do talk."

I was floored.

Me? A good listener? Could it be?

Indeed as I look back over the past few months, the changes have been noteworthy. My work review, just 2 weeks ago, was one of the best reviews I have ever had. I've been able to focus and get real work done. I've been able to listen to people and have people listen to me. I can maintain eye contact and focus for longer than 5 seconds... Heck, I can maintain focus for longer than an hour. That kind of focus is something I have never experienced before. Ever.

I remain cautious. I don't want to spend all of my days on ADHD medication. I don't take it when I don't need it (as you can tell from the previous post I wrote about my bad church experience).

I guess I've changed. I've moved from being someone who viewed such drugs as a crutch and such a diagnosis as outrageous, to being someone who has been affected in an extremely positive way because of a diagnosis and treatment.

different - but not worse off

just a quick note:
many things about ADD ADHD cause sadness and misunderstanding
but there are humorous and beautiful effects as well.
As I think Matt has noted earlier, we do not wish ourselves to be "normal"
but do wish to function better in order to serve our families, our communities and God.

So you take it all, the good and that bad, the sad and the funny
and you live a life that pleases some and disappoints others.
The help we have found, we are forever grateful for,
the road ahead is full of hope and promise
because we at least now know what is going on
inside of these "Great Minds"

Shalom!