Adult ADHD isn't like child ADHD. I'm not running around like a brat and throwing fits. I'm not jumping out of my chair. I'm not shouting at people.
But I am distracted.
I'm a member of the worship team at my church. As such, I am considered a "leader" there. I don't really view myself as a leader, but so it goes... Today I just learned that several people have complained to the worship team director about me, asking for him to "have a talk" about it. They complained not because of anything I did while playing on the team, but because of the way I appear when not no the team.
It was noted that I don't appear engaged. I look around and appear "bored." And indeed, I am certain that I really do appear this way. I am bored. After a while of service, I'm not engaged. I'm distracted... My mind is 1,000 miles away. You see, I choose not to take ADHD medication on the weekends. I don't think it's necessary, and I don't want to be on it every single day. As a result, I'm back to my old ways. I might as well be in my high school algebra class.
I guess this is displayed physically when I am at church.
Now, I have no idea why these people, Christians, didn't approach me in a Christian way, letting me know that I was distracting. This is how the Bible tells us to handle a conflict with a brother. I don't know why a gossip approach was chosen. I don't know why they complained about me and not to me. I certainly wish they would have let me know personally. I would have told these people why I appear to be so bored. Maybe they would have understood, maybe not. At least such an approach would have allowed me to explain the situation. And maybe I wouldn't have to be upset. I could just say, "Okay, I don't want to distract people. I'll sit in the back from now on."
But this didn't happen.
And so now I sit frustrated and upset and hurt. I wonder why people in my church family would act in such a way. I wonder if I can even go back to this church. As of now I feel like an outsider. I'm not welcome because of the way I appear.
Man, that hurts. Bad.
reposted from last year