cool fall day

i write, because 'it is there'. ( mallory)
or maybe because it "is in here" pointing to my heart.

All of the therapy I have experienced has done wonders for me.
No doubt I am better because of good, caring therapists. I am also a beneficiary of a large caring family that listens, loans wisdom, and gives generously when times are tough. I thank God for all of them. I rejoice now as much as ever, that my love of writing has turned into a love for my own life as I write down the parts, the episodes, the wonderful memory strewn path that winds from that place so long ago into the present where I live now. I am sometiomes troubled bythe person I seemed to be when under great stress. ( i could be angry, hostile punative, though not usually outward) At times I was so sad that i thought of what it would be like to take my own life, these thoughts being brief and easily quashed by thoughts of my children.
Some days I NEEDED to write. Others I could not, but now it is as if I can not avoid writing. if i do not put this down here or on a yellow pad, I will put these words into the time between sleep and wake, in between the cutting of trim and the nailing of same. I squeeze these sorts of thoughts in between brush strokes.
White primer, layers of memories, then the brush adds a layer of blue. Sealed, set in the texture of my day.
I have now lived many places, and i do not like to move. I have taken on many roles, and I do not like to act.
I have become many things to many people, but always trying to find out who I was in Christ, my Lord, the savior of my soul.

Thank you Dad

I can recall my parents being so proud of me, and I was doing things that could make one's parents proud. I was an Altar boy, helping the priest to say mass, conduct funerals and weddings, I loved it enough to go for Ad Altare Dei, the BSA award for religious service.  There was magic in the air when the incense burned, and I struck the match that lit the charcoal, so all would be ready when father would make that happen. I worked hard at delivering papers four days a week on my bike. Rainy days dad would load the station wagon with my papers and Ricks and drive the route with us. He worked hard, too, and then balanced time at home, with continuing education ( he took German classes with my mom for fun). A man of a thousand talents, yet his best was making me know that I was doing good, and that I was loved. Oh how I would miss that assurance when I was straying and lost touch with my dad.
    I did the study and projects for each rank of Boy scouts, and some were easier than others. I loved swimming, rowing, canoeing, all accomplished during summer camps at camp Whitsett. I could not stay awake for the astronomy assignment that had us charting the sky at midnight, two and four am, so some one let me copy their chart, close enough.  We walked an extra mile to get the order of the arrow, my dad and I, eating less, and doing with few comforts for the weekend away with other hearty souls. breakfast was a raw egg and a Dixie cup. What you did with it was up to you. Some tried to boil the water in the paper cup and cook the egg, most of those went hungry as their egg fell into the fire. Dad and I drank our egg, and were glad we did.  the last night each candidate was led to a remote place, with only their sleeping bag, and told to stay there, to not talk until morning when some one would come and get them. Being comfortable by yourself was valued, and now I wonder how many people ever get to enjoy that feeling?
     When I had fifteen or seventeen merit badges and needed 21 to get to eagle scout, dad's desire for me to push on became evident. He had become first class, star and Life rank but had not been able to complete the eagle Scout requirements ( he had no parents, them  having died when he was just a baby).  I could see him getting his second chance through me, and yes it did feel great to stand on the stage at my school, at the Eagle Scout court of Honor, where I was the honoree.  Mom pinned on my medal, dad shook my hand, as did the other scout masters and leaders who came to the big night.  Mom wrote a piece for the paper I delivered, just like she had when i went to the World Jamboree in Japan.  She was a good press agent, and I hope I did her proud when I wrote about her this past year.
There is more to tell, much more.
  Tales of mountains climbed, dark valleys visited, of hope and fears that worked into a young mans mind, and had to be worked out on the field of battle that is every day life.  I have not won yet, but I am still fighting, with everything that my parents and God have given me, I will be faithful until the end.

Third generation Great Mind award

Jared
Jared graduated Cal Poly Pomona last June, and I just got around to editing this picture.
His wife is in her senior year, all blessings upon them both!  

fading, but still useful

these signs need a
fresh coat of stain
if I go back I may refresh them
but they got me
where I needed to go

Good words

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

blue

blue can be good,, cool refreshing soothing to the eyes.
Blue can mean sad, depressed, full of pain and hurt
its not the colors fault, its what you make of it,
in every blue sky there is the possibility of a white cloud or Jet trail
in the gray clouds, some silvery light may slip through
but you have to be watching, and so; chin up
face the day and push back the night
with the light that comes from within
a mere reflection of the light that comes from above.
Light, blue. This poem is for you.

post mortem for Great Minds?

 Old post found in drafts - from 2007?


post = after
mortem= death

this will be a sort of sighing, signing off, of a blog that was driven, in part by a real condition, that when properly treated, may go away and render the author(s) slash blogger(s) capable of so much more, that they do not return here often enough to give it the freshness and consistency that a good blog needs.
As near as I can tell, Matt is much better, and benefits greatly from his careful use of Concerta, to help control his impulsiveness and distractedness. as to me ( David) I am distracted, but healthy, and doing what comes naturally, not letting it get me depressed. finding more of my core purpose in life has helped, surrendering myself to the daily routines that accompany elder care helps also.
There is nothing as important right now as my mom's return to health. Our whole family is dedicated to this one thing, and I am a part of that team. Mom is doing well, better each day and cooperating in her treatment plan ( for a hurt, stiff, fused back)
My distractedness is helped in part by the length of summer days that allows me more hours to "get something done" even if it takes until 8pm to do so.
I sleep very little, and wake with lots of energy. when it is beastly hot, like the past few days, I nap in the afternoon, while trying to read.
I found a new career path, Massage therapist, so I am studying that, but can not afford time off for school, so I will be self taught, and learn for other licensed therapists that will exchange their massages for mine. its a good life. God is with me. I even love my ADD.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.